This is my journey.

" I am what you see, not what they say. But if i turned out to be, could you love me any way?"
-You'll Ask for Me by Tyler Hilton.

In a day like today, everyone wants to be someone. Any why wouldn't we? We are taught from day one to dream big, set high expectations. We are learning from kindergarten through high school how to set goals and reach them, constantly asked what we want to be when we grow up and encouraged to believe in that, then dream bigger dreams and never stop on our own paths to success.


Life has been making me extra giddy lately.
I've been looking at tons of photography online lately and it's been really inspiring. Since I've 'opened myself up' to this whole blogging scene, I have seen so many people who are so passionate about what they have, what they do, where they are talented and truly following after their own hearts, whether its a person who is a vegan sharing her recipes daily, or a person in love and sharing every detail to the planning and day of her wedding, to people who love books or politics or writing or fashion or crafts- whatever it is. I'm not sure if I have one of these things, or lots of tiny things. But lately I've been getting more and more excited about all of these little things and it makes me so excited for the future and what it has in store. I hope to never forget the freeing feeling and just the abundance of life I felt while I was abroad. From the culture and lifestyle that it opened my mind up to, to the people that opened my heart and blossomed relationships I never dreamt possible. I'm not sure if it is just something I have felt semi limited by in my life, but people and their reactions or expectations have always been important to certain aspects... and I have continued to live in a way that surprises people because of the choices I have made...
If I remember right, I really did wake up one morning senior year and say to myself "I want to swim in college" and very similarly, I woke up one day while in college and said "I don't want to swim any more, there is too much else out there" and just like one day I said I wanted to study abroad, and one day South Africa was just on the top of my list. I still have that page, kind of funny when I found it last Thursday.


But why can't we just wake up and decide to follow our heart? It is not a mental awakening, it awakens the soul and rejuvenates passion and heart and a feeling that every person should know and be connected with, not detached from.

So sure, I have a lot to learn. I have tons and tons to learn! But thats the adventure... thats the journey. Embracing the similarities and differences that each and every person we come in contact with, every terrain and stretch of land our feet cross.. to see the beauty and all that this world has to offer.
Ah, exciting isn't it! Maybe that's why I've been so giddy lately. Maybe that can be my own little *staple... to help others see the joy in following after these different possibilities and enjoying each moment, regardless of where we are at and what we are doing.
So where does my joy come from?
...The faces of the people I love, hiding my face behind the camera and forever having those images, conversations, cultures, everything that is heart warming and moving. People in general. I can't even explain this enough. I don't spend enough time embracing these things in my life either, getting too tied down in the monotonous hours of homework or getting caught up in complaining and giving in to merely surviving. I want to do more than that!

Whether you decide to hop, skip or jump- tread lightly on today. Relax, jump into all they day has to offer. See things in a new way. Try not to get caught up in what brings you down. Attempt to brush things off. Fill your days with what you love.





"I like where ever I am. That's my biggest secret."
-Warren Zevon

Lets Rock n Roll

These are a few of my favorite things...


trains (I can see them from where I am sitting at a downtown coffee shop)
coffee (esp organic and fair trade!)
local coffee shops
parks
walks
swinging
bonfires
art
music (diggin the relaxing sultry music playing here)
procrastinating.


Can procrastinating be on this list? Not sure. But I am a pro. Hardest class of my college life, and I am no where near ready for the test! Working in about an hour for 3 hours, then class, then test! Why did I decide last night that One Tree Hill and Gossip Girls was more important than studying for this test? Ah, life. And choices. I need to work on that actually:: making better choices. And what better time than the present, right? Ok, I'll start with my first better decision and get off the computer and study study study.

Side note: I also joined the 20 something bloggers so if you're stopping by, hello! Give me a little break if my blog is pretty bare as of now, I'll work on it!

Always, love.

'It ain't nothin but a breeze' -Jimmy Buffet

It’s been a long time, long enough that I left a country, entered readjustment period (still there) full of transitions and left home to start my senior year of college (Hurrah!) But for the sake of getting my blog on, we’ll pretend like it was just yesterday. To be completely honest, not sure anyone will be reading this. Therefore, I will continue to blog and write for the pure and honest reason that I just enjoy writing. There, you have it folks! That’s the big secret. So buckle up, or jump off if you’re not ready for it. I’m coming back, full of spirit, vigor and excitement for life and living. Flying by the seat of my pants, burning the candle at both ends, so on and so on… just understand that this semester lands me right at the busiest portion of my life in the past two years. And you know me, I’m loving each minute and every moment that a busy schedule has to offer. Just so you have an idea, I’m working two jobs, doing a nonpaid/non credit internship and taking thirteen credits. Need I say more?
Well, whether I need to or not, I’m here already so might as well keep going…

Coming home and adjusting was more of a day to day process, and I could handle that. I don’t think I experienced the overwhelming feeling of missing South Africa or anything, it was more in the smaller moments and the memories. But with so much to look forward to in life, who wants to spend time dwelling in what is not possible? Indeed, therefore I kept practicing putting what I thought I learned pretty well in SA, and that is living day to day and living in the moment.
Catch 22- except I’m graduating in a short eight months so some post graduation planning may be happening, but for today we will stick with the immediate, most exciting happenings.
1. Today I went with the photographer I'm interning with and shot my first wedding! It was amazing. One of the best things I've done lately, and gave me a renewed and empowering feeling, not sure why, just felt as if more things were possible in life. Seeing things in a different/more positive light? All things that are needed. So I came home and sat and looked at camera/photo stuff for a few hours. Also lead me to fixing up this blog, which is exactly what I've been meaning to do! And here we are, right?
2. Tomorrow is my first day on my own at Bdubs! Feels like its been awhile, but that's just because I've had about 4 shifts a week the past two weeks to train. And thank goodness that is over! Tomorrow the Vikings play, which in Minnesota is a pretty big deal, though I must say it doesn't compare to the Husker's sea of red, but hopefully it'll mean good business! I'm working a party and they pretty much have a full staff on for the game. Whew!
3. This is a matter of interest that I suppose I just feel like adding: in my entire three years of college (including the months spent in SA) I can't say I've ever actualy gotten homesick... until coming back to school! Summer days heated up and the nights weren't any different, my appreciation for friends and family must have mounted while I was away for so long and all of it must have been blended up and come out with me wishing I weren't here! Business has always been a distractor for me, and to be honest it is probably saving me right now, and I am thankful! I just can't wait to get a paycheck!
4. Some things I've been addicted to lately... fmylife.com, textsfromlastnight.com, and postsecret.com. So cool! Oh, and Gloriana. Now? Quite possibly job searching, saving for my next camera toys, photography goodness and all that jazz. Boy oh boy, it's already two am! Not much has changed, I still do pretty well of minimal amounts of sleep.
Few others: addicted to nonfiction/autobiographical novels lately. Working at a day care. Haven't drank much coffee lately. Biopsych is going to be the end of me. Goal is still to do at least a triathlon in the spring, but have yet to start training. I love old friends and reminiscing, random run ins and catching up. There is a chance I might still attempt to teach myself guitar. Yeehaw!


Feels good to be back =) Even if it is for nothing more than my own personal satisfaction.
<3 .

Picture Perfect...

There are a few more fun things and exciting events to share. Sunday, after an early church and another watch of High School Musical 3, we took about 20 kids on a hike. The hike was over 2 hours and we went through town, up a road and climbed a hill. The kids did really well! While some were scared of snakes popping out at them, and others were on crutches, they did an awesome job and we all got to enjoy the view from the top. This is a picture of Zimkhita and Nosipiwe at the top, aren't they cute?
This is Zimkhita and Tabisa and I at the park. It was sunny and a beautiful day!
Yesterday we went to the park with almost all of the kids. I must say it was the most successful park visit that I have been on since I have been here: minimal crying, kids got along, didn't wonder off into the fields. The girls absolutely love taking pictures of themselves. They grab my camera and then run off and take six different pictures of the same exact thing: one person just standing there. Not smiling and not close up, but just standing. So today I wanted to teach them a bit about how fun it is to take pictures as a group and all the different poses you could do. Well for twelve, thriteen and fourteen year olds, they got into this. And it was so much fun! We took pictures on stairs, bleachers, old signs, broken down walls, under trees, laying on the ground, etc. but it was so fun! When I got back from the park I went and photoshopped them a bit and I'm going to go to try and print some off for them today or tomorrow.
Two nights ago we had a talent show and I think I mentioned that in the last post? Either way, here are a few of the girls who were singing for the competition. I have some videos too. The talent is amazing!


Yikes, I leave tomorrow night. Running out of time! Mixed feelings, but as always extremely excited to go home! Can't believe it.. as the time gets closer, it seems as if the time slows down and speeds up all at once. See you before you know it!


With love.

This is here, this is now...

Oiy!
Here we are, the last week of being in South Africa. Where to begin? So many things to say and I don't know where to start. Should I tell about my journey, how since my last blog I went back to PE, took a test and finished a project, then 48 hours was back at the Children's home? In reality it wasn't that long that I was gone, but still things had changed. The new fence that the two guys are working on made some good progress, several of the kids had different hair styles and even the foundation was at a different stage. It's a stressful situation here with uncertainty ringing in the air all over and the reality is unavoidable. There are fewer and fewer funds each day and the fear approaching all that there won't be enough to make it through. Yet there is faith that they will be provided for. We have been asked by Dianne and Carol to do fundraising of our own but I am torn about it. Not many people know that I am here and it is hard to explain this situation in an email, to do it justice. I am praying and trusting in the Lord that he provides for these children but also for ideas of ways in which I can help. I know there is always something I have, and that is my pictures, so we will see where we can go with that.

Yesterday we did a Treasure Hunt/Scavenger Hunt where we raced around town with different clues (rhyming clues, mom you'd be proud of me ;]) and took different pictures at each. This is a picture of the kids jumping off the tourist information being monsters. Ha, we split into two teams and unfortunately my team lost, but we all enjoyed pop and some chips as a prize! I was happy the kids got into it.
These are some of the boys. They are stinkin adorable. There are about 9 little guys and 2 younger girls and I love playing with them. They are always getting into mischief (my favorite was the chalk fight on the football (soccer) field that resulted with white chalk covering everyone and everything! Including me! They also like to play superman where the practice jumping off tables and chairs and the porch and I catch them. Sometimes they go one at a time, but it's usually two or three, occassionally four. I'm going to try and hold up five before I leave ;).
One night we had a Braai and made a fire in the braai pit, roasted hot dogs, potatoes and even had salad. It was quite the feast! Afterwards, Marlin (one of the volunteers) had a recipe for baking bread over the fire. We had found bamboo like poles earlier in the day and took some of the bread and wrapped it around the sticks. After 5 or so minutes of holding it over the fire, we had instant bread! It was yummy and provided several hours of entertainment. I'm hoping to use that bread recipe in the future! Since the official Dianne Lang Foundation is closing, last Monday we went to the community center where we took a lot of the clothes the kids didn't need (roughly 12-16 boxes) and we sold the clothes. We wanted to be fair and make good deals, and also wanted to raise money for the organization, but the clothes went for roughly 10-50 cents, some for a dollar (new winter jackets and even blankets we sold for barely over a dollar) but it was quite the experience to be on the other side of the market, selling the items. In this picture you can see some of the ladies who came that were looking through the clothes. They loved trying to make a good deal! This is a shot of some of the little guys in the back of the house in the yard. There isn't necessarily a play ground, but there are these monkey bar type things to climb on as well as an interesting tire swing.

Last night we had a talent show. These kids are great once they get going. Between singing and dancing they were all over the place. The older girls; Kholiwe, Aya and Nomhle wouldn't stop dancing. Then the middle aged girls, Beverly, Joyce, Tabisa and Ntomoboxolo sang these pretty songs. Even Michael and American busted some moves that I hadn't seen them do before! I'm sad that for some reason not all the photos I wanted got transfered to my usb, but hopefully this gives you a tiny picture and glimpse. Hope things are going well for all! Looking forward to seeing you, and sharing more about the past 5 months.

With love always <3.

Embrace the joy of the moment

"The miracle is this:: the more we share, the more we have" --Leonard Nimoy

Sure, time flies, but to watch the landscapes, the atmosphere, the people and the places change so rapidly and so fast... well, it's kind of exhilarating, but also a lot to take in. From a month ago, at the beginning of May to here, the beginning of June, to next month being home in the States at the beginning of July... As always trying to make the most of every moment, staying motivated and energized is essential. I am currently at the Dianne Lang Foundation, volunteering with around 30 children and becoming more aware of the day to day events of this aspect of South Africa. The thing is, the home is in a time of transition and uncertainty. The foundation is not a NPO, it has been ran off of private donations and funds from other people, but now it looks as if the funding is no longer there which leaves a lot of questions and changes in the very near future. There is a wonderful lady who has put in an application to become a Non-profit Organization and is still waiting to be approved by the government, but the outlook seems hopeful. Until then I get to play with kids all day, help paint buildings, maybe assist in building a fence (I guess it's a guy's project? Oh well, we put up 3 last summer =]), and knit scarves for all of the girls here. Can you believe that it gets below freezing in Middelburg? As I sit and type in the office, it's actually a tease that I can see the sun shining out the doors next to me as my hands are icy and my feet cold! But there is no heat here and the kids are always wearing their jackets and wrapped in blankets in the home. They always want to borrow my scarves and sweaters so that's when I decided they needed scarves of their own! And I was pointed in the right direction of a yarn/wool/fabric shop where I got new knitting needles and some wool!

Still, I cannot believe that I am here finally- getting onto the bus I nearly had to pinch myself, and the ride went by fast. It was a double decker bus and I sat on the top and got to reflect a bit about this adventure the past 5 months have had to offer. My first impression of this town and of this experience was that it brought me back to last summer and reminded me of Cass Lake, for a few reasons. Maybe it's because they are the only two small towns I have ever been in for an extended amount of time, but I sort of like the walk everywhere, empty streets, deserted town kind of feel. Or the fact that there is one other girl and two boys, kind of similar to a YW staff? And we play cards at night and share just a tiny space and yada yada, it's fun.

Well internet is expensive and I shouldn't be on for two long... so I will give you some highlights of the past 5 days...
I read bed time stories to kids every night. It was the first time I have done that in a long time, and I love it. And I love that they are interested in reading and I want to do all I can to see that they read more!
The first night I was here we took a walk around the neighborhood at night with the older kids. I got to dance and sing in the street with some of the girls and it was a great way to welcome in the first day of being here.
Some of the girls are singing all the time and one afternoon I was sitting in the girl's bedroom and they asked me to sing (which you are all aware that I am no good), but I did anyway, only after having them sing first. Now it's almost daily. I think I am going to start a 'silly songs with Stephanie' series after the "Go Bananas" song went over like a hit last night =).
These kids are truly kind of like a family, looking out for one another, taking care of eachother, picking on each other, sharing with one another. The older girls looking out for the little boys... the number of smiles here are unbelievable.
One afternoon I got to cuddle with some kids and watch Toy Story 2 (one of my FAVORITES) and then that night I even went to a dance at a church in a township with middleaged people and danced the night away! Entertaining way to spend a Friday.
In the kitchen the older boys like to listen to music, and one night I heard the Titanic song come on, you know the one, so I went in and taught one of the boys,Luke, how to dance. Then I taught him the Fox Trot and Waltz (Dawn, you would be proud!). I think I am going to download music for the Cha Cha Slide and Electric Slide, and maybe a square dance if possible! One of the volunteers said that he could get music off my iPod onto the computer, so then we can get some good ol honkeytonk country music and I can teach them a line dance! If I remember, I hope I remember.
I don't know what it is about being here, or the similarities to a mission trip but it just feels like there are a collection of things in my life that have lead up to and prepared me for this time and this moment and it just brings me such joy. I love spending the mornings in the office and thinking of ideas, it's just that the future of the organization, and more importantly the kids, is still so uncertain. But man, these kids are great.

Greyhound bound...

What a great day! I can’t even explain the feeling that I have right now, pure euphoria? Close enough either way! Amazing seeing as I woke up this morning at 5:30 to finish/start a presentation that I gave at 8:30, okay, 9h00, seeing as it if African time. Surprisingly I actually woke up and even more surprisingly, the presentation went swimmingly! It was on self-esteem and seemed to be a combination of millions of things I have learned in the past, so it rolled off the tongue like a well-known story. My new friends, Natalie, Bonnie and Moji were hard to say goodbye to after spending so much time stressed and worried and always laughing in our youth work classes. Bonnie wants to stay in touch so that she can visit the U.S., Moji has the calm and composure that many well lived 45 year olds would, and Natalie became a good friend in which we could share in daily stresses and always find laughter. She gave me a tour of the Res (dormitories) after class and we walked around, it was lovely! The morning was quite chilly, I even wore long sleeves and a sweatshirt! But by the walk back it was pretty hot. I picked up some last minute presents for the familia and arrived home!
So much to do, so little time::: as always! I cannot believe that in a matter of HOURS I will be in a completely different part of the country and in 24 hours be fully immersed at the Diane Lang Orphanage in Middelburg, South Africa. All this time it has felt as if it were too good to be true, that something was going to happen and the joy and experience would just slip through my fingers, but seeing as the bus tickets are within my reach, I have the cell number of the one who is picking me up and my bags are … ok my bags are not packed, but my list of what to pack is out and ready! I am enjoying one of the most uniquely delicious meals, the last of my milk with the box of Frosted Flakes, which I have been saving for a special occasion that my church sent me in a care package! Yummy!! The only down side to those little boxes is they are single serving and I don’t get to enjoy seconds! Today is going to be my first bus trip ever, and fittingly Miranda Lambert’s song came on my iPod this morning, “I’m on a greyhound bound for nowhere…” Couldn’t help but smile. I’ve heard from a few people that it’s chilly in Middelburg, so I’m glad I was warned so I can pack accordingly. I learned today that there are 2 million orphans in South Africa… wonder how that statistic will come to life over the next few weeks as that name is given a face, a story and names… and that will only be 40-50 children...

Well I'm off! I will update you if I have internet while I'm there, if not, mom and dad I will call you when I arrive, and Jessica I hope you have a safe trip home and a good last few days! Love you three, my trusty readers =)