Take a deep breath, just breathe.

No day but today, right?
Is it in the times where I feel completely on my own that I (A), feel left out, or (B), I realize the full potential that I may not be meeting? I'm not sure, but somehow my laziness turns into acknowledgement which can open up a deeper understanding and possible revolution. So we take the good with the bad, right? Ok, two sentences in and I'm already over my head.
I guess I've just had a lot of 'me' time lately to think without a whole lot of outlet of my thoughts (ten hours alone in the car just MIGHT do that to ya), but it seems like every avenue our life drives down comes to a stop, a passing, a halt or a completely new doorstep. What do we do? Embrace it? Look past it? Race ahead to the next stop? Where do we decide, and what lay in the making of those decisions? I am racing towards the end of this: the end of this week, the end of this semester, the end of this education and Minnesota itself! Why? Why I ask? Why why why?! Anticipation is mounting, but why not mounting for the next minute, the next day, the next encounter? Why do I have to think about smiling lately? Where is the joy? What have I piled all my marbles into that have left me feeling shorted, left out, unsatisfied and searching?
Yes, I am in over my head. I would like to take this so far semi negative feeling post and put a positive spin on it... I am looking forward to tonight. While it is hard to do sometimes, I am going to go forth with what I want to do: tonight being see a play: regardless of if I have anyone to join me or not. Rocky Horror Picture Show on campus (live play!) and while I know virtually nothing about it, I am a senior and have yet to go to a play on campus! So I will show up as the doors are closing and the play is beginning, in hopes of being discrete, find my place and enjoy it. After all, it is the only night I am not working. And this weekend I have an 'old friend' who I get to see and couldn't be more excited about. The semester is nearly over- and somehow I have survived! I had an amazing weekend at home with people I love, this should be enough!
Monday I met with a man from Kids Against Hunger, which is where I will be doing my internship next semester. I couldn't be more excited! I think I need that in my life: I need to be humbled, brought back to my roots, realize my passions all over and even just wipe away some of the materialistic and other views that I have been picking up on more and so prone to lately. This is going to be a good thing! Besides being such a hands on experience and a great cause that I get to do more than volunteer for and learn from, I will see, witness and just dive into the world of the hungry, both locally and globally with an organization that is ACTIVE and doing and being! How great, how necessary, why wouldn't I be smiling today?
Oh, I am. I will be. I just want the extra bounce in my step back. I want the thrill of a good conversation. I want to be questioned and think on and reflect deeper than I have been lately. I just want something real. Real people. Real relationships. Whether blunt and honest or deep and insightful, I think that is the root of what I do miss and have been missing.
How many turns can this post take? Let me count thee ways... hahaha. And I want more photography.... Where did all the bright shining faces and people and places go? Let me get back to the roots of what once drove me... woke me up in the morning with an eager heart and kept me up late into the night because time was so precious there wasn't a moment to lose. Oh life, bring back my enthusiasm! Oh to myself: stop being lazy and fearful, start taking chances and allow yourself to live again! And love. With open arms and not a care in the world. Free, ready, willing... for anything that is thrown this way.